a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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