you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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