One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
