just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
