if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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