Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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