If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
