I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
