so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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