Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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