Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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