If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
