I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
