i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
