He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just wanna soil my oats bro
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize