Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
