So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
