we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
