yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
