He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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