My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
