Whod you bang
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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