Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
