He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
