Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
