bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
