His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
