just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
