her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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