I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
