Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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