You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
