a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dignity is for republicans.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
