I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
