My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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