I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
