A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
