went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
