i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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