I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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