You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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