Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
