If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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