he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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