The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
