singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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