? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
