just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
