May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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