So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
