Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
