She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
