i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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