the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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