Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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