it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
