Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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