I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i dont even know how to be here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
