I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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