Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My pussy is not your playground.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
