I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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