My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
