She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
