Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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