and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So vagazzling was a success
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize