Your dad touched me again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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