this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
