The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
being pregnant is like rehab
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
